I’ll never forget you, Cena

Monday — July 29th, 2019 — was another incredibly difficult day to live through this year. My family and I had a really tough day yesterday. In February, one of our two collie dogs, Deus, passed away. Yesterday, we had to say goodbye to our other collie — Deus’ brother — Cena. Losing two dogs in one year is inconceivably difficult. Ever since we lost Deus, we’ve been looking for signs to see how Cena would deal with losing his brother who he had lived with his entire life. There were signs. He would walk around in our yard to look for him. In the first few days after Deus had passed away, Cena wouldn’t want to leave the yard, because he wanted to find his brother. It was heartbreaking. As we said our goodbyes to Cena, we assured him that now he would get to see his brother again. He was just going to be with Deus again.

It broke us to have to say that. Losing both of our beloved collie companions broke me. Like I wrote earlier in the year, Deus was my buddy. I love him with all of my heart. I miss him. Losing him was just as devastating as it was to lose Cena yesterday. The difference between Cena and Deus is that I’ve always seen myself in Cena. Cena was loving, overprotective, anxious, and whenever an argument would break out, he would make sure that it ended swiftly. Dog owners will agree that dogs are like our children. They are our babies. Cena was always my baby. I vividly remember holding him safely in my hands in the backseat of our car an hour, or so, before I named him in 2008. Cena was my baby.

All things considered, Cena had done a good job in adjusting to a home without his brother. These last few months, he has been lively, happy, and excited. There were moments when he would act just like a young puppy. It was adorable. He and I were very close. There were days when he wouldn’t leave my side. He loved me. I love him. He loved all of us. We all love him.

The truth is that we feared that we were going to have to say goodbye to Cena years ago. But he, thankfully, overcame the struggles that he once went through. Other than the fact that he wasn’t young anymore, there were, unlike with Deus, no signs that we were going to have to say goodbye to Cena soon. In the weekend, he went to bed a happy, problem-free dog, but when we woke up he was struggling and in pain. Old age and whatever pains he may have had caught up to him and became overwhelming. We quickly knew it was time, and it broke our hearts to see him like that.

What is frightening, however, is that I subconsciously must’ve known something was up. Before we said goodbye to Deus, I had this odd feeling that he was going through his last days. With Cena, it was a little bit different. I knew something was wrong the night before his pains surfaced. He looked and seemed fine. He was handling the heatwave like a champion. But, for some reason, I was compelled to say to my family that we needed to keep an eye on Cena. Subconsciously, I must’ve known something wasn’t right. I’ve never wanted to be more wrong in my life.

At home, it’s quiet now without him. It’s too quiet. None of our two collie companions are there to keep us busy or lie by our side. There was a moment yesterday after he had passed away, where I wanted to just pet Cena, who would always lie by our living room couch, but right as I sat up to pet him, I realized he wasn’t there. It shattered me. At night, I think it hit all of us especially hard, including our young chihuahua Gizmo. Seeing him confusedly look for Cena was extremely upsetting.

Though it all happened so suddenly, we all, thankfully, had a chance to say our goodbyes. I got to sit with him in the yard and talk about everything. I had the chance to tell him everything he meant to me. When I told him how much I loved him, he sat up almost as if to say: “Hug me,” and so I did. If it’s all right with my readers, I’d like to address him again now.

I’ll never forget you, Cena. You will always be in our hearts. Don’t worry, we’ll take care of your yard. Thank you for all of these years. Thank you for helping me through so many difficulties. Thank you for helping me through so many changes. Thank you for helping me protect our Mom. We’ll still protect her, don’t worry. You can rest. Don’t worry. Thank you for being you. Thank you for everything. I love you, Cena.

– Jeffrey Rex Bertelsen.

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